Recently my little man asked to have his toenails painted just like mine. How could I refuse? This got me thinking about all the little gender cues we send our kids every day. Every parent has a different position on this sort of thing. For example: People will often tell you how different boys and girls are. Boys play rougher, girls play more quietly; boys like trucks and girls like dolls, etc. Others will emphasise how their little boy is into pink or loves high heels. But how much is nature and how much is nurture?Are we unconsciously implying that our kids should be more 'girly' or 'manly'? Do we push the girls to be princesses and the boys to be pirates? So far my husband and I have tried to be a bit open minded about our kids and these sorts of roles, but isn't it a careful balance between encouraging their individuality, even eccentricity and creating kids that are considered really, really weird by their peers?
When my husband came home and took off my boy's shoes, he was startled and a bit bemused. (Although the man definitely takes everything in his stride!) It made me wonder what the girl equivalent would be: what would be too 'boyish' to do with little girls? They can't dress in 'drag' or play to male of a sport. They can't dress up in too boyish a costume. It seems females have bent the gender rules in one direction and made a claim for just about any role they wish to play in society. Luckily for us and our girls, nobody tells girls they can't be an astronaut anymore because they are a girl. (When my mother went to university to study Archaeology she was told that 'young ladies don't do that' and asked to study English instead! NOT that long ago, really!!) However, the boy rules seem to have stayed a little more rigid. As I have gotten older it has become more and more obvious to me that as far as gender 'rules' go women have it easier than men. Women have this sort of buffet of opportunities that they can achieve (I know that men do too) and can really be any range of career woman, mother at home, or anything in between. Everywhere they look there are other women doing what they are doing and a TV show demonstrating how hard they are doing it. However men are expected to be absolutely everything these days: great provider, great father, loving and romantic husband, liberated housekeeper, confidante, etc while maintaining that manly status. My husband manages to navigate these waters really well, and has taken the subtle sexism in his stride from being the stay-at-home dad. It was strange to realise that people could be a bit closed-minded about him and his role as the main caregiver to four while I worked. He even managed to reclaim a bit of the nobility of the job, when people asked what he 'did' he would gesture to demonstrate his four girls and say, "This!"
We finally live in an era when people (hopefully) no longer believe you can 'turn' your child gay, so theoretically we can all be a bit freer with these gender roles. These are interesting times to be growing up, therefore. I predict that this generation of males will grow up freer and with fewer constraints on their gender definitions. Let's hope this is true, even if it does not include scarlet toe polish!
